Afar
by Fiery Kitty
Summary: Duo's always smiling, always happy. Right? What if that smile hid a heart full of pain for the one guy he loved but thought he couldn't have? 1x2 yaoi rated pg-13 for suicidal thoughts
1. Darkness

**Author's notes: **this is my first attempt at a Gundam Wing fic, so please be kind!! I haven't actually seen any episodes so you're going to have to forgive me since the characters are probably seriously OOC

**Warning: **umm.. future yaoi, 1x2, and suicidal thoughts. **No **character death- I don't have the heart to kill any of the characters .

**Disclaimer: **Meh.. I don't own Gundam Wing.. damnit

!#$%&()****

Chapter 1 

Duo had always watched Heero from afar. It pained him that he would never be able to tell his partner how much he loved him.

_I know that Heero would never love me. How could he? For starters, he hates me. Also, I'm a guy, and he's a guy. And that's just not quite... right... _Duo thought sorrowfully.

The blade hovered over his skin enticingly, practically shouting at him to use it to cut through the pale patch of skin just like Heero's indifference had cut through his heart, breaking it in two.

Tears slid down his cheeks, and the tip of the blade was barely touching his skin when he heard the front door slam shut. Duo hastily put the knife away and rolled down his sleeves, hiding all the scars that fresh cuts that lined his arms.

_No one needs to know. It's not like they care anyway, _Duo thought bitterly. Once he had been so content with life, even though he had been fighting a war that seemed almost impossible to win, yet now the war was over, and he was a walking wreck.

Duo wiped away his tears, plastered a fake smile on his face, and walked out of his room. He saw Heero sitting on the couch, typing away at the damned laptop of his.

"Hey Hee-chan!!" Duo sung out cheerfully. He received a grunt in reply.

_He doesn't even look at me. Am I that inferior? Am I that unimportant to him?_

"What are you doing?" Duo asked, determined to get a full sentence out of the Perfect Soldier.

"What does it look like I'm doing, you idiot?" came the scathing reply.

_Not exactly the sentence I wanted to hear, but still a sentence, _Duo tried to think optimistically. _Who am I trying to kid? He hates me, why else would he criticise me all the time, and ignore me?_

"Relena's coming around in a few hours." Heero said abruptly. He shut his laptop swiftly and stashed it away in his bag. "The others will be with her.

"Oh." Duo wasn't how to respond. What was Heero trying to tell him? He already knew the pilot was in love with Relena.

"They want to know if you want to go swimming.

"Oh." Duo said again.

_Swimming! _he thought happily, before he remembered the long red lines on his wrists. _There is no way that I'll be able to go swimming unless I wear something with long sleeves. It's not as if they want me to go swimming with them- why else would they get Heero to ask me? They couldn't be bothered telling me themselves._

"Well?" Heero asked impatiently.

Duo blinked in surprise, slipping out of his dark thoughts. "Pardon? What did you say?

"I said, do you want to go?" Heero repeated, more impatiently than before.

"Umm, no thanks." Duo said uncomfortably.

Heero frowned. "Why not?

"Because I don't feel like swimming. Are you going to go?

"What do you think?" Heero asked, smirking.

"Yes?" Duo guessed, shrugging.

_Relena's going to be there, of course he's going to go. He loves her more than anything else in the world._

Heero rolled his eyes and disappeared into his room. Duo stared at him in confusion.

_Was that a yes or a no? Damnit, why does Heero have to be so damned confusing?_

Duo returned to his room, and cut himself viciously several times, watching unemotionally as blood trickled down his arms, staining his clothes a crimson red.

_No one cares about me. No one at all..._

!#$%&

Heero wondered why Duo had turned down the offer to go swimming. Now he was stuck with the horrible Relena for hours and there was no Duo to save him from her relentless chattering.

_Why did he seem so crestfallen? What's wrong with him?_ Heero knew that something was bothering his long haired partner, and if something bothered Duo, it bothered him. _Why has he been so... secretive for the past days? _

Heero frowned. Well, he couldn't really call Duo secretive, exactly, but the amethyst eyed boy was hiding something, that was for certain. Heero knew everything to Duo- he had loved the long haired pilot for as long as he could remember.

_Not that I'm going to actually tell him that, of course, _Heero thought hastily. _He'd just laugh at me in that carefree manner of his, and tease me for the rest of my days. He would never take me seriously._

There was a knock on the door, and Heero groaned. He could practically sense Relena's evil aura on the other side of the door.

"I'll be there in a second! Hang on!" he yelled gruffly, and knocked on Duo's door. He heard mumbled curses and the sound of drawers being slammed shut.

"What do you want?" Duo sounded panicky, Heero thought, frowning. What had he been doing?

"Have you changed your mind?" Heero asked. He didn't want to sound as desperate as he felt.

_Duo just has to come to the pool with us, he just has to! _Heero thought firmly. _I am not going to survive Relena for three whole hours without Duo's jokes._

Duo stuck his head through the door. "I already told you, Hee-chan-" Heero scowled "- that I'm not going.

"If you're sure." Heero said as emotionlessly as always and walked off, slinging his bag over one shoulder. "I'm going.

Duo hesitated for a second.

_I suppose I don't actually have to go swimming. I could just sit on the sidelines and watch- as always, _Duo thought. He ran after Heero, and caught up with him as he opened the door.

Heero turned and looked at him "So you're coming after all." he commented. He didn't sound the slightest bit surprised or happy.

"Yep!" Duo grinned with all the cheerfulness he could muster. It must've been looked authentic, because Heero grunted and opened the door.

Relena stood there looking absolutely heinous in her customary pink. Heero had to blink several times before the dazzlingly bright colour had stopped blinding him.

"Relena." He muttered in acknowledgement

"Heero!" Relena smiled flirtatiously, and put her arm through Heero's. "Let's go." she didn't even glance at Duo, deeming him not worth her time.

Duo sighed and walked behind them, mulling over his thoughts. _If I gather enough courage I could commit suicide tonight, _he thought. _Most probably they wouldn't even notice that I had gone._

He didn't realise that the others had stopped walking and crashed straight into Heero. He gave a muffled shout of surprise as he fell heavily to the ground, feeling a sharp jolt of pain shoot through his hip.

Heero also fell, but not as heavily. He quickly climbed back to his feet, brushing off his clothes. He fixed Duo with a cold gaze. "Be more careful, Maxwell." was all he said.

Duo felt his cheeks burn a dark crimson. "Sorry about that Heero.

_Heero? _Heero thought, confused and disappointed. _He always calls me Hee-chan. Why Heero all of a sudden? _He shook his head and carried on walking. _I'm making a mountain out of a molehill._

Relena glared at Duo. "You could've seriously hurt him, you idiot!" she hissed at him.

"I said I was sorry." Duo muttered, slowly getting to his feet. His hip still stung from the impact of the fall.

_What's the bet that I'm going to have a large bruise tomorrow? If there is a tomorrow for me, _Duo thought.

"Well that's just not good enough." Relena looked as if she was about to start on a long and boring tirade, but Heero cut across her.

"Let's go. The others will be waiting." he said, not even glancing at Duo to see if he was alright.

Duo made sure to keep his distance from the pair, and fixed his gaze on the apartment doors they passed. Finally they reached Heero's car- a large black four wheel drive.

They drove to the pool, where Quatre, Trowa and Wufei awaited them.

"Hey guys!" Quatre grinned at them. "What took you so long?

Relena shot an accusing glare at Duo, who immediately looked away. Heero simply shrugged and walked off to the changing room.

Wufei rolled his eyes. "Nice greeting from the Perfect Soldier. Come on, let's get changed.

They all rushed over to the changing room. Quatre paused at the entrance and peered over his shoulder at Duo quizzically.

"Duo? Aren't you going to get changed?

Duo shook his head, a lopsided grin on his face. "Forgot my swimming togs, silly me." he lied.

"That's alright. I bought a spare pair." Quatre said, and started to dig around in his bag.

"No, it's alright. I don't feel like swimming anyway.

They all frowned. It wasn't like Duo to turn something down, especially not something like swimming. They all knew that Duo loved to swim, heck, the amethyst eyed boy loved any kind of sport!

"You alright?" Wufei asked gruffly.

Duo nodded slowly. "Of course I'm alright." _Why would you care if I wasn't? _"Why wouldn't I be?

Trowa shrugged, and started to pull Quatre after him into the changing room. As soon as they were inside the changing room, Quatre stopped and turned to his companions.

"I think something's wrong with Duo." Quatre whispered so only his friends could hear him.

"He would tell us if something was wrong." Trowa replied confidently. "You know Duo- he's too open, too caring to keep something from us.

Quatre nodded. "You're right. Duo would never keep anything from his friends.

Duo, who had been eavesdropping outside, gave a soft snort.

_How wrong you are._

!#$%&()

**Author's notes: **Ok, that was horribly short, I know, but I just want to see if you want me to continue or not. If you do please review and I'll give you more, chapters which are at least 10 pages long!! .


	2. Goodbyes and hellos

**Author's note: **I just want to make this certain- this is not going to be a long story. Or a sad one.

Thanks so much for reviewing!! You don't know how happy they made me!!

**In reply:**

**XtinethePirate: **Meh.. ff.net has totally stuffed up my formatting- that's why all of my quotation marks have disappeared.. TT You don't know how much that annoys me. Thanks for your review!!!

**Satans Angel Pyro: **lol- ok, here's the next chapter, just for you .

**Nephtyr: **thank you so much! Your review was really encouraging!

**Camillian: **Now I wanna go along with your plot Ðwith the pool and the blood- cuz that sounds so good!! Thanks for your review!! Lol

**K, you know the disclaimer ande stuff so I'm just going to shut up and let you get on with the story!! .**

!#$%&()

**Chapter 2**

Heero relaxed on the far side of the pool, watching Duo who sat at a table by himself. He started to swim over to him, but Relena suddenly appeared next to him, scantily clad in a pink pikini.

Heero forced himself to smile at her. She grinned back, showing off pearly white even teeth.

"Heero." she almost purred his name. "Where are you going? You're not leaving already, are you?

Heero shook his head mutely. He didn't bother telling her that he was concerned with the welfare of Duo. She wouldn't understand.

"Good." her grin grew wider, and Heero suddenly regretted saying that he wasn't leaving. "Then let's play waterpolo!

That hadn't been what Heero was expecting. "Sure." Heero shrugged. "That's fine with me.

"Great! I'll go tell the others. Could you please go get the equipment?" she smiled prettily at him.

Heero nodded, unaffected by her flirtatious looks at him. "I'll be a second." he climbed out of the pool, water trickling down his toned chest and back, his normally shaggy hair lay as flat as it could against his scalp.

He made his way across the concrete. As Heero passed by the table where Duo sat, alone, he halted and turned to the long haired boy.

"We're playing waterpolo. You want to play?" he asked.

Duo shook his head. "I'm not dressed for such an occasion, I'm afraid" he grinned, and gestured at his clothes.

"You can borrow some swimming trunks, Quatre said so before." Heero replied.

"Nah, I'll skip. Good luck, though." Duo laughed and returned to the paper he had been doodling on.

"You shouldn't have come if you were just going to sit here and do nothing.

Duo's light hearted gaze hardened into a glare. "I'll do what I wish." his voice dropped into a hiss.

Heero blinked in surprise and took a step back.

_What was that? _he wondered, shocked. _Did the so-happy-it-makes-me-sick Duo just get angry? Miracles..._

"Whatever you say." his emotionless voice never revealed his confusion or surprise. "You can go home if you want.

He didn't know how much that sentence affected Duo. The long haired pilot could feel tears start to sting the back of his eyes, and he hastily looked away, so that Heero wouldn't see the crystalline tears dripping down his cheeks. As soon as Heero started to walk away, Duo stood up and left the pool.

_He doesn't want me here... he basically dismissed me just then- am I so unlovable? Am I that horrible? _Duo ran back to his apartment.

He paced the apartment for a while, loneliness and grief washing over him in tidal waves.

_I have to get away... far away from all of this... _Duo sobbed quietly to himself as he pulled his knife out of his drawer. _Bye Hee-chan..._

!#$%&

Yoshi Matsura knocked on the door again, more impatiently.

_Why isn't anyone answering? I just saw that young, rash Duo Maxwell rush in here- I know he's home, _he thought angrily. He knocked harder.

"Open up!" he yelled. "I know you're there Maxwell!

Still, there was no answer. He tested the doorknob, and to his surprise, found that the door was unlocked.

_That's...  strange... _he thought slowly and unsurely, suddenly afraid of what he would stumble across in the apartment. _Has something happened to Duo?_

He looked around, calling out Duo's name, worry lacing his gruff voice. Finally he came across Duo's bedroom. He pushed the door which swung open, allowing him entrance.

As soon as the horrible sight reached his eyes Yoshi gave out a strangled shout and ran from the room and dialled for an ambulance.

!#$%

_Where am I? Am I in heaven? _Duo wondered groggily. All around him was white. He could hear faint murmurs and sounds but they all seemed so far away. _Am I finally dead? Have I succeeded?_

"Mr. Maxwell. I see you're finally awake." a gravelly voice above him spoke suddenly.

_Is that God? _Duo wondered, suddenly afraid. _Uh-oh... I better start begging forgiveness for all the crimes I've committed..._

He opened his mouth to speak, but all that came out was a pained groan.

The gravelly voiced person chuckled. "You almost succeeded in committing suicide Mr. Maxwell, which would've been a shame. You look like someone who does well in life.

_What does he mean, I _almost _succeeded? I'm not dead? _Duo felt tears of frustration slide down his cheeks. _Why is it that I fail in everything I do?_

"I wanna die..." he managed to croak out. "Leave me alone...

A hand stroked his hair. Duo didn't have enough strength to swat it away. He concentrated on opening his eyes fully.

"I'm Dr. Theis. I'm afraid we're going to have to keep you in here for awhile, and that you're going to have to see a psychiatrist.

"Don't wanna..." his tongue could hardly wrap itself around those two simple words.

"Too bad." there was a smile in Dr. Theis's voice. "You're going to have to. How old are you, Duo? Do you mind if I call you Duo?

Duo groaned. His energy had already been spent on speaking before.

Dr. Theis chuckled. "Maybe I should wait until later to interrogate you. I'll see you later, Duo Maxwell.

Duo grunted in reply, and soon he had sunk into a state of blissful oblivion.

!#$%

"Duo?" Heero called out, frowning, wondering what the hell had happened to his apartment while he had been at the pool.

It was night time, and he had opened the door of his apartment -it was unlocked, much to his horror- to find it in a state of disarray, looking as if several people had come in carrying something between them.

"Duo?" he called out his flatmate's name again, wondering why he wasn't responding.

Heero opened the door to Duo's bedroom and found it empty. He saw a dark stain on the ground and shook his head.

_Honestly Duo, spilling coffee everywhere as usual, _Heero thought somewhat fondly. If he had bothered to look closer he would've realised it wasn't coffee, but blood.

Duo's blood.

He decided to phone Quatre, to ask whether the blond knew where Duo had gone, but at that moment his neighbour, Yoshi walked in.

"What do you want?" Heero demanded.

Yoshi looked at him in surprise. "I didn't know you were here. I just came to get some clothes for Duo.

Heero immediately walked over to him. "What have you done to him?" he asked angrily. "Where is he?

Yoshi took a step back, holding his hands in front of him. "Jeez, calm down! He's at-" Yoshi hesitated. _Does he know? _"-a motel. Won a trip to Fiji." he lied.

"Duo won a competition?" Heero frowned in confusion. "Oh.

"Yeah..." Yoshi hoped he looked convincing. "He just called me to tell you where he had gone to, and to pack some clothes.

"I'll do that." Heero volunteered. "Just tell me where he's staying.

"Oh no! Really, it's fine!" Yoshi burst out hastily. "I know what to get! Really!

Heero regarded him suspiciously. Something was wrong with all of this. He smelled a lie.

"You're lying." he said flatly. "Duo's not in some hotel because he won a trip to Fiji. Now tell me the truth- where is he?

Yoshi glared at him. "He's gone.

"Gone where?

"He's just gone. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to pack his clothes. If you had been paying more attention to him, you would know that he had been planning to move out for a few months now." it pained him, lying to Heero like that, but Yoshi knew that it was better to toy with the kid's emotions than tell him the actual truth.

"Oh." Heero was lost for words. He stepped away, allowing Yoshi to get to Duo's bedroom.

_Duo... Duo left? _his mind was unable to process the information, no matter how many times he kept repeating the sentence ÔDuo left' to himself.

"You okay, kid?

Heero flinched, suddenly realising that Yoshi was next to him, holding a fully packed bag.

"I'm fine." he muttered through gritted teeth.

"If you're sure..." Yoshi said doubtfully, but left it there, leaving and taking the duffel bag with him.

It was a few hours after Yoshi had left that full realisation hit Heero.

_Duo's gone... and he's not coming back... He left... He left me..._

!#$%&

Many days had passed since Duo had left -or so Heero believed- and he, Relena, Quatre, Trowa and Wufei were sitting in the park, eating some food that Relena's cook had prepared for them.

"It's been almost three weeks since I last saw Duo." Trowa commented abruptly. "Has he gone into hiding or something?

Heero's mouth thinned into a straight line, and he let Relena -who somehow found out everything- to answer.

"He left!" the girl replied, shaking her head as if in disbelief. "Just suddenly packed up and left one day!

"Really?" Quatre frowned. "But why would Duo do that? He usually gives a bit of warning before he does something as serious as that.

Heero shrugged. "Who cares? He's gone, and that's all there is to it.

Wufei frowned. "Oh come on, you can't be so thick that you honestly believe you don't miss him?

Heero glared at him. "He's not of importance.

Wufei rolled his eyes. "Dumbass." he muttered under his breath.

"I heard that.

"You were supposed to.

Heero growled in anger and stood up to leave. Relena stood up hastily, brushing drumbs off her tiny pink dress.

"Wait- Heero!" she rushed after him. All of a sudden a ball came flying out nowhere and hit her. She let out an anguished shriek and fell to the ground, clutching her wrist. "I'm going to die! Oh my God, oh my God, I'm dying!" she screeched.

Heero rushed to her side and prodded her wrist. She whimpered in pain.

"You've broken your wrist." he said matter of factly.

Quatre peered over Heero's shoulder, concern written all over his face. "We'd better get to her to a hospital and quick.

They managed to get Relena to a hospital in record time, and watched as the doctor wheeled her away for x-raying. Heero was still angry at Wufei for suggesting that he harboured any concern for Duo, and ignored the Chinese pilot.

The doctor came out a few hours later, telling them that Relena had a broken wrist, and that it was probably best if she stayed overnight in the hospital, since it was quite late -4pm- and the cast would take a while [1].

"I'm Dr. Theis, by the way." he smiled kindly at them. "Your friend will be staying in ward 28. Would you like to visit her?

Heero wanted nothing more than to return to his apartment and mull of his thoughts, but the other guys dragged him off to visit Relena and see how she was feeling.

Relena lay on a hospital bed, pale as fresh snow, staring blankly at the wall. Her face lit up as soon as she caught sight of Heero.

"Heero!" she purred.

"Hn." he sat down on a seat and watched uninterestedly as the others -mainly Quatre- talked to her. Wufei looked just as bored as he was, and Trowa tried to keep up the pretence that he was interested, though everyone knew that he was only there because Quatre was.

Heero wondered why part of the ward had been curtained off. _Maybe it's for people with serious injuries? _Heero watched as a nurse disappeared into the curtained area. _I wish I could see what was behind there._

Dr Theis walked up to them. "Hello there. Feeling better?" he asked Relena kindly.

The pink clad girl nodded. "Yes, a lot, thank you.

Dr Theis followed Heero's line of sight. "That's for suicidal people." he said softly.

Heero's surprised eyes met his. "You put Relena in a ward full of mental people?

Dr Theis raised an eyebrow. "I never said they were mentally disabled. I merely said that they were suicidal.

"It's the same thing." Heero snorted. He conveniently forgot all the times that he had nearly self destructed, telling himself that that was a different matter.

"If you knew someone who wished to end their life you wouldn't think it was the same thing." Dr Theis said, his voice still soft and kind. "Depression affects many people, no matter of their race, appearance, or personality.

Heero rolled his eyes. He had heard this speech too many times before. "They're still mental.

"One of my patients, a young man around your age, is probably one of the most cheerful people I've ever met.

"Then why does he want to die?" Heero challenged boldly.

"I don't know. He won't tell me." Dr Theis looked over at the curtained area with extreme sorrow. "He won't talk, he won't eat, and he won't move. He just wants to waste away and die.

"He sounds interesting." Heero muttered sarcastically.

Unfortunately for him, Dr Theis heard him. "It's wonderful that you should think so! Why don't you come back here on Thursday night and meet him? He needs a friend. No one ever visits him, and he doesn't have any family.

Heero stared at him, aghast.

_He wants me to spend my Thursday night with some psycho? _he thought, horrified.

"He'd love to." Wufei immediately answered for Heero.

Heero glared at him. _You bastard, _he mouthed at the Chinese boy, who smirked.

"That's excellent!" Dr Theis beamed. "Well, come at 7:30pm on Thursday to this ward. I'm sure my patient will look forward to it.

"What's his name?" Heero grunted. _It's not like I'll actually turn up._

Dr Their paused thoughtfully. "I can't quite remember. I have to deal with so many patients, it's hard to remember their names. His name's unusual- I think he's American.

That caught Heero's attention. _American? With a strange name? _he felt his heart sink. _I'm just making presumptions. Why on earth would Duo be suicidal? _Another thought occurred to him. _The doctor said he has no family- the same as Duo!_

"I think it began with D." Dr Theis had no idea how much that sentence affected Heero.

The boy stood up abruptly. "I have to go." he stammered, not able to meet his friend's questioning gazes. "I'll be back Thursday.

_I have to find out if it's Duo! Please... please don't let it be Duo..._

Wufei caught up with him. "What makes you think it's Duo?" he asked as they exited the hospital.

"I don't." Heero muttered through gritted teeth.

"Yes you do. It's so obvious, Yuy." Wufei looked at him seriously. "Heero. There are many Americans that have names beginning with D. Besides, Dr Theis said that he thought that his patient was American. He never said that his patient was _actually _American.

Heero nodded, some of his panic disappearing. "You're right. I'm just... I'm just being an idiot.

"As usual.

"Shut up, Wufei." Heero growled.

"So you going to go on Thursday?

"I don't have anything better to do, do I?" Heero shrugged non committedly.

He returned to his empty apartment, and looked around, painfully aware of Duo's departure. Everything seemed to empty, so pointless after he left. It was like life didn't matter any more, not without Duo's bright presence.

_I miss him, _Heero realised suddenly. _I really miss him._

He sank to the ground, clutching his head in his hands, an old saying popping into his mind.

_You never fully appreciate something until it's gone..._

!#$%&

Thursday soon came, and Heero found himself at the hospital, staring up at the dark, forboding building with a stab of apprehension. He wondered what the boy he was going to meet was like.

_Someone who doesn't talk, move, or eat. Fun._

Dr Theis met him outside the ward, the same steady smile on his face. "There you are! I forgot to ask for your name before.

"It's Heero Yuy." he replied uncomfortably. It wasn't often that people -other than Relena, that was- took an interest in him.

"Heero." Dr Theis looked thoughtful. "I swear I've heard that name before... I think one of my patients know you... yes- the young man whom I told you about has mentioned your name before in one of the nightmares he has.

"I'm sure there are other people called Heero." Heero said, even more awkwardly.

_This is getting stranger and stranger. I've got to remember what Wufei said- it probably isn't Duo. I mean, since when has Duo ever been sad?_

"Hmm." Dr Theis shrugged. "Anyway, come this way please. I agreed to let you two meet in the games room. Now, just remember that you don't want to say anything to upset him- it's been hard for him for the past few weeks.

Heero nodded absently, his mind not really on Dr Theis's words. He followed the doctor down several corridors until they finally stopped outside a bright green door.

"Well, here we are." Dr Theis pushed open the door.

Heero felt his heart skip several beats when he saw the thin figure hunched over a table.

Familiar long, braided brown hair flowed down the boy's back, and he was dressed in clothes that Heero recognised instantly. The boy refused to look at them, and instead stared at his hands.

"Well, this is Heero Yuy-" a pair of shocked violet eyes snapped up and focused on him. "And this is Duo Maxwell.

[1] - hey, it's my fic!! I'll do what I want!!

!#$%&()

**Author's notes: **And so the plot thickensÉ. Lol- no, not really. Well, that was 11 microsoft word pages, so I'm happy!! .

Umm.. could anyone tell me what colour Heero's eyes are? Cuz I think they're blue- at least in the pictures they are.

**Thanks to: **Mara202, fiery-icicles, ????, foxhiei, DarkDemon0087, Ink2, XtinethePirate, Demonskid, hails, Satans Angel Pyro, Nephtyr, camillian.


	3. Discovery

**Author's notes:**

**You know the warning and disclaimer. Meh.. I can't be bothered typing them outÉ =P**

**Thanks to all the reviewers!! Thanks for telling me what colour Heero's eyes are!!**

!#$%&()

**Chapter 3**

Heero could do nothing but stare at Duo for a few agonising minutes. How could Duo try to commit suicide?

_How could he do this? To all of us? To me?_

"Ah... is everything alright boys?" Dr Theis looked from one teenager to the other.

Duo was the first to turn away. He looked out the window, his breath ragged and shallow. Heero simply shook his head.

"Nothing's wrong, doctor." he said in a low voice that hid all of his emotions carefully.

Dr Theis nodded. "That's good. Well, I'll be down the corridor in ward 24 if you need me."

Heero nodded distractedly, his gaze never once straying from the thin figure in front of him. _What happened to Duo to change him this much? Was it my fault? I should've realised- I should've figured that something was wrong with him- he's my partner, my flatmate! I am such an idiot, _he thought bitterly.

As soon as Dr Theis had left the room, Heero walked over to Duo and sat down next to him. "Duo?"

"What do you want?" Duo snapped, his violet eyes alight with anger.

It was a shock, to see Duo angry. The only time that Duo got angry was when he was fighting. He never got angry at his friends- never. It was just something that they never even considered.

"Why... why...?" was all Heero could stammer out. His mind was running circles around his head, unable to accept that Duo was suicidal, and was angry at him.

Tears slipped down Duo's cheeks, no matter how hard he tried to suppress them.

_Boys don't cry... boy's don't cry... _Duo told himself firmly, but he couldn't help the crystalline tears that fell onto his hands. _Heero's disgusted with me- I can tell. He's looking at me with utter loathing... He thinks I'm weak- and I am... so weak..._

"Why?" Heero repeated. He grabbed Duo's chin and forced the younger boy to look at him. "Why, goddamnit, _why_?"

Duo had never seen Heero react so violently to something. Well, other than the time that he had slipped hair dye into the stoic boy's shampoo and his hair had turned pink and stayed that way for a week. But that had been different- that hadn't been on an emotional level like this was.

"I- I..." Duo didn't know how to explain all of the emotions churning and raging within him. How could he convey the immense anger and sorrow he felt in a few simple words? "You don't understand the first thing about emotions, Heero, so don't start preaching to me about what's right and what's wrong!" he yelled, wrenched himself out of Heero's grip, and stood up.

Heero could see that Duo had lost over 20kg in the few weeks he had been in hospital- he had always been on the skinny side, but now he was almost skeletal. Duo's bones protruded from his skin, and his eyes were sunken, framed by dark shadows.

"I don't want to preach." Heero said, his voice soft and low. "I just want to know why you- why you-" he broke off, looking away so that Duo wouldn't see the pained look on his face. "How could you?"

"And who would care?" Duo shot back. He paced the room angrily, twisting his hands together. "Did you even notice when I was gone?"

"Of course I noticed you twit." Heero stood up, exasperated. "Everyone noticed. Everyone misses you. I thought- I thought you had left me"

"That was the general idea." Duo muttered under his breath.

Heero shook his head. "I can see that I'm not getting through to you." he tried to walk over to Duo, but the American moved even further away.

Heero shook his head slowly in disappointment. "I'll see you again soon."

"I don't want you to come here again." Duo said abruptly. His eyes were determined though sad as they looked at Heero.

"Well, I want to come here again, so I'll be seeing you again soon." Heero smirked. He walked over to the exit of the room. "I won't tell anyone about this, Duo."

"Goodbye Heero." Duo said firmly.

"No Hee-chan? I'm disappointed." and with that, Heero left.

!#$%&

Duo stood in the same place, not moving a muscle, for a few minutes after Heero left. Was it possible that Heero actually cared a teensy weensy bit about him?

_I'm just dreaming, _Duo thought bitterly. _But what was the last thing he said about? Hee-chan? He's disappointed that I no longer call him Hee-chan? But he hated me calling him that... Didn't he?_

Uncertain and confused, Duo made his way back into his ward, and huddled underneath his blankets, trying to fall asleep. He would probably have been allowed to go home a while ago, but seeing as he didn't really have a home anymore -he was too afraid to return to Heero- and he had tried to commit suicide many times since coming to the hospital.

Dr Theis walked into the room, smiling broadly. "How was that? Did you have fun?"

"Yeah, heaps." Duo replied sarcastically.

The sarcasm was completely lost on Dr Theis. "That's brilliant! Because Heero's offered for you to live with him. Heero said that his old flatmate just moved out, and he misses him heaps, and he would love to have some company."

Duo stared at the doctor, flabbergasted.

_No way is this happening. Heero wants me back? That's just not possible... I thought he hated me!_

"So what do you say?"

"S- sure..." what else could he say? No? Heero was basically telling him that he missed him- how could he turn the offer down?

"That's excellent news! I'll inform him at once! You can move out tomorrow if you want."

"O-of course... I- I'd love to..." Duo was still in shock.

He watched, still unable to comprehend the news, as Dr Theis left the room to tell Heero that he had accepted. In a few minutes he was back.

"Mr. Yuy said that he'll come pick you up tomorrow. Is that alright?"

Duo nodded mutely.

"Excellent! We'll have to pack your things. Not that you have a lot of things to pack." Dr Theis commented. When he saw that Duo wasn't really in the mood to talk, he started to check up on the other beds.

Duo lay back in his bed, staring up at the ceiling in blank disbelief. He was once again going to be living with the only guy he wanted, yet couldn't have.

!#$%&

The next day Duo had to force himself to get out of bed- he was so nervous yet excited at the same time that he just wanted to hide under the sheets and hope that Heero would go away.

_And once more leave me alone. But I don't want him to go... I don't want to be alone..._

Duo soon had everything packed and was ready to go. Heero still hadn't arrived, and the American could feel nervous butterflies flitting around his stomach. What if Heero was just being cruel, and was joking around when he had said that Duo could live with him?

A familiar large black car pulled up outside the hospital, and a slightly frazzled looking Heero climbed out. He hurriedly made his way over to Duo -who had suddenly found the ground extremely interesting- and Dr Theis.

"Sorry I'm late!" Heero went to grab the bag from Duo's hand. Their hands brushed against each other, and immediately both boys were filled with a deep sense of wonder and contentment.

"I- I'll take that." Heero's voice was huskier than usual as he took hold of the bag. Heero placed the bag in the boot of his car, and opened the passenger seat door for Duo, who hesitantly climbed in. It seemed like years since he had last been within a close proximity with Heero, and had last been in his car.

Duo bid farewell to Dr Theis and watched as Heero climbed into the car. His eyes never strayed from Heero as the older boy started up the car and started to drive down the road.

"I'm glad." Heero spoke up suddenly.

Duo jumped, and saw that Heero was watching him in the rear view mirror. Duo sunk lower in his chair.

"Is that safe?" he asked. "Not to watch the road?"

Heero chuckled. It was such an alien sound -Heero had never shown signs of having emotions before- that Duo could do nothing but stare at him in absolute surprise.

"I'm not going to let you die, Duo." Heero's eyes were completely serious. "Never."

Duo swallowed visibly and looked away, a small blush on his cheeks. Heero laughed inwardly at how Duo looked the perfect image of innocence.

"What were you glad about?" Duo asked softly.

"That you're here." Heero replied truthfully. He pulled up outside the apartment. "We're here. Why don't you get yourself sorted out while I take your bag up and talk to Yoshi, who'll be keeping a secure monitor on us, to make sure that I'm not 'taking advantage of your frail state', quoting the head nurse."

Duo couldn't help but crack a smile. The corners of Heero's mouth twitched up to form a satisfied smirk.

_Finally, I've gotten him to smile, _the wing pilot thought. He watched almost fondly as Duo made his way up the stairs.

When Heero finally entered the apartment he found Duo lying, fast asleep, on the couch. The wing pilot frowned.

_He must have been really tired, _Heero thought, as he carefully picked up the sleeping boy and placed him in his old room, and gently tucked him in. _It's not even noon yet- maybe he didn't get much sleep last night._

As soon as Heero had exited the room, Duo's eyes shot open and he sat up, throwing the covers off.

Looking around, a fond smile made its way to Duo's lips. It was good to be home. He explored his room inch by inch, and saw that the dark stain he had left on his carpet when he had tried to commit suicide had been scrubbed clean. Heero must've had been cleaning at that spot for hours- the colour of the carpet had been almost completely bleached in order to get the blood out.

After his inspection of the room, Duo quietly made his way outside, trying not to be noticed by his flatmate. It didn't work- Heero immediately turned around and saw him.

"You're awake." he observed.

Awkward silence stretched out between them. There were so many things that both boys wanted to tell each other, yet unable to do so. Finally Heero moved, breaking the silence.

"Lunch is ready." he said, and led the way to the kitchen.

Duo followed him like a silent ghost, doing nothing but stare. They sat down at the kitchen bench and quietly ate their meal of noodles.

Hours passed, and still neither boys said a single word. Heero started to clean the house, and Duo sat down on the sofa and read a book. Finally, night came, and Heero coughed to get Duo's attention.

"Dinner." was all the dark haired boy said.

_This is so awkward, _Duo thought. _I wish that something would happen, something to break the silence._

But nothing happened. And after dinner had been finished, Duo excused himself from the table, saying that he was tired and had to go to bed. Heero said nothing but watched him carefully.

Duo showered, changed into his pyjamas and climbed into his old bed. The soft mattress felt like heaven after sleeping for several weeks on a mattress as hard as a wooden plank.

Yet Duo couldn't sleep- no matter how much he tossed and turned, he just couldn't get comfortable. His blankets seemed to suffocate him, yet when he threw them off, it was too cold. Finally Duo sat up and read for a while. Yet his mind couldn't concentrate on the plot, and the words blurred together.

Duo gave a frustrated groan, and decided to go and make himself a mug of hot cocoa. It had always worked before when he had had nightmares.

Duo crept along the corridor and into the kitchen. He was about to turn on the lights when a sound floated into his earshot.

_What's that? What if it's a burglar? _Duo thought, panic seeping through his veins.

He strained his ears, trying to hear the sound again. He heard it more clearly this time, and it sounded like- Duo shook his head.

_Impossible._

Yet there was the sound again- it had to be! Duo switched on the light, and stared.

It was horrifying.

The Perfect Soldier was crying.

Heero's head shot up and he stared in disbelief at Duo. It was obvious to see that he had been crying even if Duo hadn't heard him- his eyes were bleary and red, and his cheeks were tear streaked and blotchy.

"Heero?" Duo took a hesitant step forward. "H- Heero? What's wrong?"

Heero hastily, almost angrily, wiped away his tears. "Why are you awake?" he demanded, avoiding Duo's question. "You should be resting."

"I couldn't sleep." Duo was standing right next to where Heero was sitting.

"Did I wake you up?" Heero asked.

"No." Duo shook his head. "Heero?"

Heero looked away, obviously embarrassed at his lack of composure.

"Hee-chan?" Duo asked tentatively.

Heero's head snapped around so fast, Duo was afraid that he would get whiplash. The corners of his lips twitched, as if he wanted to smile, yet he was afraid to.

"It feels like forever since you last called me that." Heero whispered. He wiped his eyes once more. "Don't tell anyone about tonight." he commanded. "It wouldn't do wonders for my reputation."

Duo lowered his eyes. It seemed that the old, stoic Heero was back. For a while there, the Perfect Soldier had almost seemed human.

Heero saw the sorrowful look on Duo's face and cursed himself inwardly.

_How is it that no matter what I do to make him feel better, I always stuff up?_

"Duo."

Duo looked up at him. "Yes?"

"Why?"

Although he said nothing else to clarify his question, Duo knew immediately what he was talking about.

"It's personal." Duo muttered.

"Am I not your friend?"

Duo stared at him. "I hope so." he smiled hesitantly. "But I don't know if I'm your friend."

Heero's eyebrows knitted together to form a disbelieving frown.

_H-he doesn't know whether I consider him my friend? Have I treated him that badly?_

"You're the first friend I've ever had." Heero replied truthfully.

_You're one of the only friends I've ever had._

A light blush covered Duo's cheeks. "That's... encouraging."

"You're encouraging." Heero said quietly. "That is, until you tried to kill yourself. Just tell me, Duo. I'm going to find out one way or another- either I'll tickle you until you give up or you're going to give me the answer voluntarily."

Duo paled and backed off. The last time he had been death tickled- as he called it- by Heero, whose hands seemed to know his body perfectly, he had almost given away ever single dark secret he possessed, including the fact that he was madly and deeply in love with the stoic wing pilot.

"I- I... I'm in love with someone." Duo admitted. Was it just his imagination or did Heero's face just fall? No- he had to be imagining things. Why would Heero be disappointed?

"With who?"

Duo's blush came back at full force. "That's a secret. I- I can't tell you." _Because it's you._

"Fine." Heero sighed. "But why did you try to die over that small insignificant detail? Surely love isn't worth dying for." the brunette looked skeptical.

Duo's mouth opened in disbelief. "Hee-chan! How can you say that? Can you honestly tell me that you've never been in love?" he demanded.

_I guess that means that he was never in love with me. It was impossible anyway, but that just confirms it._

"I don't think so." Heero replied, though he looked doubtful.

Duo snorted. "That's gotta be impossible! Love is..." Duo paused, trying to find the right words. "Wonderful."

"Wonderful?" Heero sounded even more skeptical. "It sounds incredibly normal and boring."

"It's hard to describe- at times it makes you feel like you own the world... everything's going your way, life suddenly seems so much better, the flowers suddenly smell a whole lot sweeter."

"It sounds like a load of bullshit." Heero snorted.

Duo silenced him with a glare ."But at other times... it makes you feel like the dirt beneath the person you love's feet, because they don't know how much they're hurting you by saying a particular sentence-"

"Wait, wait, wait." Heero interrupted. "What do you mean, the person doesn't know?"

Duo looked at him with surprise. "Well, they don't know that I love them."

"Well why not?" Heero demanded.

Duo shrugged. "I don't have the guts to tell them."

"Well then how do you know if they love you back or not?"

Duo shook his head sadly. "I know they don't like me." he said softly. "It's pretty obvious."

"But how do you know for sure?"

"Since when have you been a love guru?" Duo asked, an eyebrow raised.

Heero paused before answering. "The way you described love... I think I am in love."

"Really?" Duo stared at him.

_The Perfect Soldier is in love? _he thought, half amused, half shocked. _He's probably in love with Relena._

"Relena, right?" to his surprise and delight, Heero shuddered violently.

"Hell no!" he blurted out.

Duo burst out laughing, although his eyes still contained a small glint of sorrow. "I take that as a very strong negative. So who are you in love with?"

"I'll only tell you if you tell me first." Heero replied slyly.

_If he doesn't love me- which he won't- then I'll make some crap reply, _Heero decided. His fingers were shaking with the anxiety he felt. _He's going to say.. I don't know... some girl he met at the park or something. Good God- what if he says Relena? He said that it was pretty obvious that they didn't like him, and Relena definitely hates him- and he tried to commit suicide that day that we went to the pool, and Relena treated him like shit that day._

Duo's blush worsened. "I can't."

"Can't or won't?" Heero demanded.

"It's... it's embarrassing." Duo muttered.

Heero rolled his eyes, exasperated. "Just tell me."

Duo gathered all of his courage, steeled his nerves and blocked out the voice in his head that was yelling at him to stop- telling him that this was suicide and that Heero was going to kill him- and kissed Heero full on the lips.

_Oh God.. he's going to kill me... _was the first thought that ran through Duo's mind. He hurriedly pulled away, and was about to run back to his bedroom and cry his heart out, completely ignoring the saying _boy's don't cry_.' It didn't matter now- nothing did.

What happened next completely floored him. Heero kissed him back. The passion contained within their kiss left Duo breathless and wanting more. He could feel Heero's smooth lips on his, demanding and persistent, his hands gripping Duo's clothes tightly as if afraid that this was some sort of hallucination and that if he didn't hold on tight enough, Duo was simply going to disappear.

Finally lack of air came to be a bit of a problem, and Duo pulled away, gasping for breath.

"Why-? How-?" he gasped out, disbelief written all over his face.

_Am I dreaming? _he wondered in amazement.

"Love you." was all that Heero said, before attacking Duo's lips once more with vigour, yet it was enough.

Duo smiled into their kiss and allowed Heero to take control, not complaining as the older -and more experienced- boy slipped his hand under his shirt, his cool fingers tracing patterns on his flushed skin.

But when Heero's hands started to make their way down his body, Duo stiffened and pulled back.

"No!" his breathing was short and ragged, and his chest heaved up and down. "No, Heero, don't."

Heero frowned deeply. "Why not?" he demanded. He was still on top of Duo, their legs intertwined, perched pecariously on the edge of the couch.

"I'm not ready for that." Duo's large violet eyes looked imploringly up at Heero. "Please, Hee-chan. I can't deal with that right now."

Heero looked disappointed, but nodded. "Of course. As you wish." he glanced at the time. "We should be going to bed.

Yet neither boy budged a muscle. Duo couldn't, but nor did he want to. His fingers were buried into Heero's messy crop of brown hair, and he could feel Heero's racing heart through the thin material of their t-shirts.

Finally Heero climbed off reluctantly, his hand reaching for Duo's, and their fingers intertwined. It was so odd to think that Heero actually had deep emotions such as love.

_He loves me... Heero loves me! _Realisation fully hit Duo, and he suddenly hugged Heero tightly, burying his face into the crook of Heero's neck.

The taller boy flinched at the sudden contact, then relaxed, and held Duo against him, worried.

_Is he crying? Maybe he didn't like that... but he was the one who kissed me first! _Heero's mind raced over what could possibly be wrong.

"Duo?"

"You love me. You actually love me." Duo's muffled voice was full of choked emotion. "I thought that you hated me."

"Why would you think that?"

Duo flushed. "It's nothing."

Heero raised an eyebrow doubtfully, but didn't press the subject. "It's close to 3am."

Duo nodded and pulleed away. He reluctantly let go of Heero's hand and walked over to the entrance of his bedroom.

"Will you..." Duo began but trailed off.

_This is so embarrassing, _he thought, his blush deepening into a steady crimson. _How am I supposed to ask Heero to stay with me?_

Heero's eyes lit up and he wrapped his arm around Duo's waist possessively. He led Duo towards the bed and watched as the long haired boy climbed in, leaving a large space for Heero, who was staring oddly at the bleached spot in the carpet.

"Hee-chan?" Duo asked tentatively.

_Has he changed his mind?_

Heero's eyes sought out Duo's violet orbs. They were dead serious, and never left Duo's gaze as he climbed in and wrapped his arms around Duo's lithe body.

"Don't you ever try to commit suicide again." he whispered, his voice low and rough with raw emotion. "If you die, I'll die."

Duo reached out and stroked Heero's slightly tanned cheek with a finger. It was obvious that Heero was still uncomfortable with the intimate contact. as he flinched slightly and edged away. Then he relaxed and leaned into Duo's touch.

"Then I won't die." Duo whispered back, grinning lopsidedly.

Heero snorted softly and rolled his eyes, and flipped onto his back, pulling Duo so that the younger boy was lying cuddled up against his side, his head resting on the brunette's chest.

"Goodnight Duo." Heero mumbled, quickly falling asleep.

"Sweet dreams." Duo murmured back, already half asleep.

Soon both of them were fast asleep, both fully content with life.

!#$%&()

**Author's notes: **Well, there you go! Another chapter!! Woah.. 14 pages on microsoft word.. this is a new record, lol .

**Thanks to: **Nephtyr, camillian, Ink2, Luna, Hazel-Beka, fiery-icicles, scotty-lass, Dark Sadistic Angel, foxhiei and Demonskid.


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